Godspeed, Tracy Sherman!

I had not seen Tracy for a long time. And now, I will not see her anymore in this lifetime.  You see, I learned from another friend in our ALS support group that Tracy had passed away unexpectedly. I was incredulous. I said, You're kidding! and immediately logged on to Tracy's FB page where I got the news firsthand.

People with ALS are told that the illness is 100% fatal. When you get diagnosed with it, you know where it will lead you. But Tracy did not have ALS. Her mom, Nancy did, and somewhere in this site, I wrote her a farewell blog. Much like this one.

I never thought I would write one for Tracy, this soon.

So I wrack my brain for what Tracy represented to me and this is what forms when I think of her.  A beautiful oval face with large dark eyes that easily tear up.  She loved life as much as she loved her cats. She came to Honolulu many years ago, because she was fascinated by its beauty and she wanted to be enveloped in that beauty, to wake up in beautiful sunrises, and to lose herself in its sunsets.

She bought a home for herself. And started her enchanting life. It was turned upside down when her mom, Nancy, was diagnosed with ALS and needed care.  Of course, within those lovely dark eyes is love without measure. And mom came to live with Tracy.

Tracy and I talked a lot about caring for our loved ones: the ups and downs, the dramas and conflicts that come with caregiving, the personal angst of what we give up for those we love.  Then Nancy passed away. Slowly, we lost touch. Occasionally, I would get or give a "poke" on FB. But our busy lives claim us as she wended her way, alone again, and I?  Still 24/7 cocooned in caregiving for Britt.

Then this.

What can I say, Trace? Sorry for not having caught up with you? Sorry for not being there, where I imagine you felt kind of footloose after the intensity of caregiving? Sorry for not saying, I'm still here? Sorry for not validating when I intuited you were asking for help?

I may never know what life was for you after we parted ways. Little by little you retreated from FB. Until you retreated from my consciousness. How puny our mortal attentions are! Though genuine, how transient our devotions!

But not my memories of you - the gal who had wrapped wonder, concern, filial love, ache for life, boundless curiosity, and humanity in one existence! So much. SO MUCH, within you. SO MUCH, of you, will live forever.

Godspeed, my dear friend! Spread those wings and soar! Suffer no more.