Godspeed, Steve!

All of what I firmly remember about Steve Vidinha is culled from one portion of our Hawaii ALS Annual Christmas program two years ago.  We were in the same randomly assigned group that, like all the others, had to compete singing and acting out a Christmas song, the title of which we had to draw from a hat. Of course, for the life of me, I can't remember the title of the song. As a group, our performance was ... meh.

What stands out in memory is Steve's surprising performance -  he poured out his heart and lungs into the song, contorting himself in his wheelchair to deliver the most power to his voice. He was so animated, he brought to mind somebody singing his guts out because, by golly, he was going to win!  When the results came in, it didn't seem to matter to Steve that we lost.  He good-naturedly laughed.  Ito make his condition worse, he probably developed and busted an hernia in the process.  But he nokeah!  He wrung every ounce of strength in his body, every decibel of sound from his vocal chords, every grain of passion in his heart. That was what mattered.

All my other encounters with Steve - brief meets, phone, and email - reinforced this picture of a man who spares nothing to achieve a goal. He loved to win but, win or lose, what appears paramount to him is the process of giving himself totally. And I bet he expected everyone around him to do the same.

Where he is now, Steve suffers no limits. In fact, Steve no longer suffers. He is where he is always a winner. Always the best. Always among the best.

Godspeed, Steve (Teban). You were one of a kind.

           Steve's Celebration of Life will be August 5, 2017 at St. Ann's in Kaneohe. 10:30 am Visitation/ 12nn Eulogy/ 2pm burial at HI Memorial/ 3-7pm Reception Party @Pohai Nani. Street Parking. Family requests no flowers please but all donations can be made to his Walk to Defeat ALS website or Island's Hospice.  

Godspeed, Tracy Sherman!

I had not seen Tracy for a long time. And now, I will not see her anymore in this lifetime.  You see, I learned from another friend in our ALS support group that Tracy had passed away unexpectedly. I was incredulous. I said, You're kidding! and immediately logged on to Tracy's FB page where I got the news firsthand.

People with ALS are told that the illness is 100% fatal. When you get diagnosed with it, you know where it will lead you. But Tracy did not have ALS. Her mom, Nancy did, and somewhere in this site, I wrote her a farewell blog. Much like this one.

I never thought I would write one for Tracy, this soon.

So I wrack my brain for what Tracy represented to me and this is what forms when I think of her.  A beautiful oval face with large dark eyes that easily tear up.  She loved life as much as she loved her cats. She came to Honolulu many years ago, because she was fascinated by its beauty and she wanted to be enveloped in that beauty, to wake up in beautiful sunrises, and to lose herself in its sunsets.

She bought a home for herself. And started her enchanting life. It was turned upside down when her mom, Nancy, was diagnosed with ALS and needed care.  Of course, within those lovely dark eyes is love without measure. And mom came to live with Tracy.

Tracy and I talked a lot about caring for our loved ones: the ups and downs, the dramas and conflicts that come with caregiving, the personal angst of what we give up for those we love.  Then Nancy passed away. Slowly, we lost touch. Occasionally, I would get or give a "poke" on FB. But our busy lives claim us as she wended her way, alone again, and I?  Still 24/7 cocooned in caregiving for Britt.

Then this.

What can I say, Trace? Sorry for not having caught up with you? Sorry for not being there, where I imagine you felt kind of footloose after the intensity of caregiving? Sorry for not saying, I'm still here? Sorry for not validating when I intuited you were asking for help?

I may never know what life was for you after we parted ways. Little by little you retreated from FB. Until you retreated from my consciousness. How puny our mortal attentions are! Though genuine, how transient our devotions!

But not my memories of you - the gal who had wrapped wonder, concern, filial love, ache for life, boundless curiosity, and humanity in one existence! So much. SO MUCH, within you. SO MUCH, of you, will live forever.

Godspeed, my dear friend! Spread those wings and soar! Suffer no more.